how to get his 20 yrs old son motivated

[nancypoh]

I thought that maybe you were too depressed about your problems to response, Jessie. I am glad to hear that all is well. Take care and have a good weekend.

[jessiewong]

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all the replies/suggestion. My sincere gratitude.

My son has just started work at a saloon. Hopefuly he can improve and progress from here.

Anyway, thank you once again for all the replies.

My regards to everyone.

Jessie

[nancypoh]

It is so nice to read responses to jessiewong problems even though she is not responding to the suggestions made. I am sure that there are people out there who are facing similar problems and could make use of all your motivational advise.

So, maybe other than thanking you, we should also thank jessiewong for sharing her problem.

[phhteik]

[nancypoh]

You are very lucky to have a father like that.

I recall taking my girl to Sungai Wang when she was 4 and I can imagine how scary it will be for her if she gets lost in such a crowd of Chinese New Year shoppers. So, I made it a point to teach her my husband's handphone # so that she can inform the information counter if we are separated. As I used the Kong Hee Fatt Choy tune to teach her the numbers, she remembers them easily.

Singing makes learning easy and if the songs are thought in Mandarin, she will also be able to learn the language too.

[fcliew82]

hi nancy,

I'm happy to hear that you let your children do something they'll like (singing). most parents today only thinks of future for their children. It's not bad but what about today? the children wont like it. But they'll follow whatever their parents tell them to do. Slowly, it'll become a routine for them. Sooner or later, that child will hate it and turn against their parents. Like tach said, communication! communication! communication! In my opinion, parents should also learn to accept and support their children's wishes.

I have a wonderful father. He let me do things that I like. But if he thinks it's not a good thing, he'll talk to me like an adult. I feel respected and actually listens to him. When I take graphic design as my major, he supports me and learn about graphic design to understand my choice better instead of discouraging me. This way, I feel appreciated and I touched for all his effort.

Not many parents does this, which I find it sad to know. Either the parents take control of their children's life, or they take no part of it. Therefore, Nancy, it might not happen now, but your children will thank you for your support. So, keep it up!

[nancypoh]

[nancypoh]

Some people may doubt it but I recall when my son is in Std 1, he came back crying daily that his teachers and friends do not like him. As I know some feng shui principals, I took an ang pow with a picture of chicken on it and told him that I read this feng shui book that says that if he place it in his school bag, it will protect him from unpleasant things in school. Believe it or not, he stop crying after that.

So maybe what jessiewong and her son need to do is find their gua #. This website provides a calculator and explain what this is all about:

http://''dragon-gate.com/resources/fengshuitools/kuaCalculator/index.asp

Based on our Gua Number we have 4 Cardinal Positive directions and 4 Negative directions. Things may not run smoothly for us if we are sleeping of facing the directions negative to use.

If jessiewong's son does not want to communicate and is not doing anything about his life, then she may want to try some feng shui enhancement tricks for her family's or children's direction.

[tach]

Motivate him?
Seriously speaking, everything you do, must point back to the cause. In this classic example, we have to let the subject (his son) to realize his own personal goal.
I would advise to find a suitable time, talk to him and ask him to think about his future plans. He must be proactive to do personal goal setting.

I would say communication in a family is the main element in keeping everyone together. Can't force him into whatever he doesn't like, it just like the Chinese saying goes like "You can bring the horse to the water, but you can't force it to drink"

Communicate ! Communicate ! communicate !
Personal Goal Setting and PErsonal Goal Setting...

[nancypoh]

Hi jessiewong

On fcliew82's suggestion to join more beneficial activities, your son can consider becoming a "Willing Workers On Organic Farms" (WWOOF) member by buying a WWOOF book for:

Farm-stay in Australia to work in exchange for your keep:
http://''wwoof.com.au/
Book Price:
http://''wwoof.com.au/lists.html

A holiday trip without having to pay for food and lodging. That way he gets time away from home to decide what he wants to do.

List of WWOOF worldwide:
http://''wwoof.org/

The local one, GK Organic Farm do not take volunteers currently:

http://''geocities.com/gankaz2000/6_WWOOF.htm

but they provide this:

Organic Farming Trainee

If you are serious about going for organic farming, you can work as a volunteer-cum-trainee for 6 months (or longer as you like). Learn not only planting skills, but also a way to build your own marketing and management bases. No charges but also no wages. Food (self-cater) and basic accommodation are provided.

Warning: No TV there.

[nancypoh]

For anyone who needs some directions on career path, here is a link to a website that you can check on:

http://astrology.findyourfate.com/astrology-career.htm

I have checked on SiteAdvisor and they are reported safe from spyware, spam, viruses and online scams.

It would be great if any other members of the forum can add to this list.

[nancypoh]

Here are some questions that you have to honestly answer yourself to find solutions:

1) Did he choose to take up hairstyling himself?

a) If your answer is no, then in that case it is time for you to listen to what he really wants to do.

b) If he has chosen to take the course, after two years, it could be that he has lost his passion for it and maybe feeling very bad for making that choice and do not know how to tell you he wants to get out.

Or

He had had a bad experience servicing a customer. I recall using a student at Kimarie and I was very upset with the style she introduced. If your son is sensitive, he would most likely want to give up if he met someone who has made a fuss of his creation.

2) Have you ever asked him if he would like a change in career? If you have not, do your research first before talking to him. Try to know more about him by:

a) reading about his zodiac or horoscope or look at his hands and decide if he has chosen the right career. To give you an idea, people who are creative tend to have long fingers. Here are some links you can go to for such information: http://''handanalysis.com/career.html

Once you have an idea, than you can tell him that you have read from somewhere that he can explore working on this or that. Let him read about it if he shows an interest in the direction you are giving him.

b) If it is against your religion or belief to do that, then try to find a course that he can go to. I am a Buddhist who has attended a Christian Alpha Course and I find it interesting and stimulating. Maybe this is something that he can attend. In my community, we have a Buddhist Society and the members there organize free talks. If you have a society like that in your community, speak to the facilitator about your problem and I am sure that they will come up with a subject that will be meaningful for your son. If coming to Bandar Sungai Long is not a problem and you need help with either of these suggestions, let me know and I will give you the contacts.

3) Has he always been quiet? This is one of the signs of depression. Some people sleep a lot when they are depressed, so, maybe your son is trying to evade the problems that are depressing him by being engrossed in games.

There is a way for you to draw him out to talk and that is by playing the Transformation Game. It can be played with everyone in the family. I have a little write up about it at this link. It was introduced to me by my family doctor’s wife.

http://greenbeings.bravehost.com/transformation.htm

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

[fcliew82]

Hi..

I would suggest you to encourage him to join more beneficial activities. What is his interest? If he's into the hair-do business, maybe you can encourage him by letting him join the shows or seminars. If he's into games, maybe you can introduce him to multimedia courses where he'll learn to do animations. but this all depends on his interest. Instead of nagging and advicing him, maybe you can listen to him talk like a friend. I hope it'll work out for you both. Don't rush into things, I'm sure he's figuring out what he wants as well.

[jessiewong]

Hi everybody,

I am really in a dilema. My youngest son who is 20 yrs old seem to have no direction in live. He doesn't talk much with his siblings nor with me. He is addicted to cybergame and spends all his time sitting infront of the computer.

He has been learning hairstyling for the past 2 yrs and have not graduated yet. He has been dragging his time in getting a job. I have been talking/telling him that he has to get a job to support himself and that age is catching up with me, I will no longer be able to support him.

He is overall not a bad boy, is just that he doesn't have the urgency to move on to set a goal in life. What shall I do?

Anyone can share their views/advice?