Below are six major components for being single and happy, as well as suggestions on how to add each one to your current life.
What it means: Building a community means having people who are there for you, people who care about you and your life.
Why it matters: Many singles feel lonely and disconnected, which affects their quality of life. They act as if the only way to get their emotional needs met is through a partner. Yet other members of your community can meet many of your needs. The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more attractive you become. Also, the more your needs get met, the less you need a partner.
What you can do: Build community by volunteering or by joining clubs around subjects that interest you. Rekindle or strengthen community by reaching out to people already in your life.
- A Life Rich In Pleasure
What it means: Think of your life's outlook after indulging in something nurturing and pleasurable, such as being in nature, exercise, a good meal, etc. Doesn't life look full of promise? Imagine a life rich in such moments of pleasure. Such a life would greatly increase your happiness.
Why it matters: Many singles forego pleasure and self-care for their jobs or career. It is as if they themselves don't matter; only their accomplishments do.
What you can do: Add three luxurious, pleasurable things to your day. These don't have to be huge -- perhaps a 10-minute stroll, a few minutes reading a book, a cat nap, a body-care product that smells or feels good, a sit-down meal. Figure out what these three things are by remembering the last few times you felt truly luxuriated.
- A Life Lived Now
What it means: Many singles wait until they are in a relationship to live the kind of life they want and to do the things they love to do. Yet your life happens now -- today. It is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a relationship.
Why it matters: When you want to participate in life, but stop yourself because you are single, you stifle your spirit. On the other hand, living the life you want now enlivens and energizes you. It gives you a sense of well-being and happiness. And living your life now also makes you very attractive!
What you can do: Figure out what things you have not done because you have been waiting for a partner. Which three sound the most fun and give you the most charge when you think about them? Those are the three to do now.
- Relationship Skill Building
What it means: There is a real set of skills few of us know exists -- and even fewer actually have -- that guarantee you will attract a good, compatible partner and build a great, healthy relationship. The fact that you have not had a successful lifelong relationship so far does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are meant to be alone.
It is truly a matter of learning new skills.
Why it matters: Many singles worry that they will continue to have unhappy, unsuccessful relationships. Many believe there is nothing short of settling that can be done about being single. Many fear they are meant to be alone.
What you can do: Put yourself in relationship school. Read books about relationship skills, go to workshops and seminars, hire a relationship coach. Keep learning and becoming confident in your skills. Don't give up!
- Putting The Past In the Past
What it means: Most people know that they need to let go of the past, yet most believe that they cannot. However, there is a real set of skills that guarantee you will let go of all past hurts and resentments.
Why it matters: Many singles hold on to the past as a way of preventing the same thing from happening in the future. Others hold on because they don't know how to let go. Either way, the past drains your vital life energy. There is no surer way to spoil an otherwise great life than with resentments and anger about days gone by.
What you can do: Learn how to let go. Put yourself in completion school. Read books, go to workshops and seminars, hire a therapist or a coach. Keep learning new ways to let go of the past, then apply them to gaining more and more freedom.
- Passion/ Purpose/ Vision/ Action
What it means: Be powered by passion about your life. Have a purpose for waking up in the morning. Have a vision of your place in the world and what you want to contribute to others. Take action about all of these.
Why it matters: Many singles are waiting for a relationship to infuse their life with passion and purpose, not realizing that a loving partner is not a substitute for a meaningful life. Single or with a partner, your life's purpose is your own, and will energize you when pursued. You will be happiest following your life purpose.
What you can do: Figure out what makes time stop for you, what lights you up to no end, what always fuels you with energy. Whatever that activity may be, it is a part of your life purpose. Now get into action on that wonderful thing, and let it lift you and transform you.
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"